This is Why Pinoy Horror Movies Suck

Before I start with my short critique of Sanib, I would like to post my appeal to (most) Filipino filmmakers:

Dear (most) Pinoy movie directors,

PLEASE stop insulting the audience by making photocopied films. We, the audience, are not stupid. We don't want to see what we've already seen before. Please stop doing what Brocka, Bernal, and De Leon already did. Please stop copying other films, may it be a Hollywood classic, a hit Japanese horror movie, a French indie film, or whatever.

You are not a photocopier operator, you ARE filmmakers. And filmmakers cultivate their own ideas, so please do so.

We're not here to experience deja vu, we're here to see something authentic. Please try harder to make bona fide films. Thank you in advance.

Sincerely,
Your audience


SANIB
Celso Ad. Castillo, 2003

Entertaining Film - MAYBE. Quality Film - NO.

Tagline: Looks can be deceiving.

SO CLOSE
Corey Yuen, 2002

So Close is a film about two assassin sisters who are hunted by their employer and a determined policewoman.

I wish I can have the chutzpah to kick the a** of everyone involved in So Close. Aside from the preposterous action stunts and the hot actresses, So Close has nothing more to offer. In my humble opinion, So Close is a mediocre film. It's so overrated it makes its audiences stupid — stupid to like a film that is full of impossible stunts but is actually lacking in substance.

"Serbis" is Out of Service

An obviously photoshopped poster for Serbis.
(Photo belongs to its owner/s. I don't own or claim to own this photo.)

Tagline: Service. It's the family business.

SERBIS
Brillante Mendoza, 2008

The Pineda family runs an old movie theater in Angeles. The movie theater shows bomba films (soft-porn films). It also serves as a shabby home to the Pineda family, and a haven for their perverted customers.

The story looks promising. Serbis definitely has a story to tell, but Brillante Mendoza doesn't know how to tell it properly.

This "Film" Bored the Hell Out of Me

TXT
Michael Tuviera, 2006

Plot: A jealous and angry soul comes back to haunt his girlfriend and her new lover. He haunts her and the people close to her by sending them sick text messages and calling them on their cellphone.

Wow! This one really bored the hell out of me... it absolutely did. "Camp" does not even begin to describe this!